Forget about the old post. Ways to prevent death is stupid. How about learning the history of "Kill"? Sound nice? OK! Here it goes:
Killing was invented in mid-06.06.1906s by Wilhelm Killing, who also invented the lie. It was obvious that the public wouldn't come to see people standing on hoses and trains coming out of tunnels anymore; this is why, for the second time in history, the World Trust For Problems With Not Earning Dollars (WTFPWNED) met. After about two months of debating and drinking more than twenty seven thousand litres of coffee, vodka and other boosting liquids, Someone finally said 'Jesus, we're screwed.'. These noble words started Wilhelm's train of thought, which was as follows:
Jesus - Christ - bananas - monkeys - japan - university of Cambridge - vodka - kittens - honeymoon - - Jesus - Kill
The Conception Of Movies About Killing (COMAK) was announced shortly after its invention, and said to be used as soon as possible. Using the standard trick of suspense, Hollywood made people see every movie coming out and kept them in anticipation for 93 years, finally releasing the first movie about killing, The Matrix, in 1999. The tension was so great, it earned more than $27bilion in the first weekend. After not more than two weeks everyone on earth had seen it at least twice, giving 16 dollars of income. Of course, it was still not enough for Hollywood, and the WTFPWNED was gathered again; after short discussion the bigwigs decided to travel back in time, there finding a lot of new audience, and making the income grow and grow, quickly making its way to infinity. One of the spectators, called Kain, felt so deeply impressed with the movie, he decided to share his feelings with his brother, Abel. Unfortunately Abel was eating breakfast by this time and choked on some bacon after hearing the inspired news, which caused his death. 'Just like in the movie' thought Kain, thus becoming the first man to kill. Being very emotional, he shared this experience too, causing the tracks of history to change enormously, and become just as we know it now.

Hope you like it. That's all for now.
-P.S. If this post dirties the blog, please delete this immediately. Thank you.